It’s April again, which means Infertility Awareness Week is coming up. We were hoping not to hit another April as an infertile couple, but so it goes. With 10% of women dealing with infertility, you probably know someone who is struggling. There are a million times a day where people make assumptions about why I don’t have kids, pester me about having kids, or assume because I don’t have kids I’m not a nurturing/caretaking person. Research shows that facing infertility is as stressful as terminal illnesses; when people are understanding and compassionate, it goes a long way.
So, checking in on our journey. We went to Dartmouth Medical Center and were given a used car salesman pitch for IVF. THE ONLY ANSWER! PAY NOW! LOW LOW INTEREST RATES! STEP RIGHT UP! The doctor even said “You’ll want to get started now so you’ll have time to have your second.” I don’t -want- 2 kids, but thanks for asking.
I left the doctor’s office very quickly when I realized that we weren’t going to get any new insights or information, just a hard sell for a procedure we can’t afford. She called back 3 weeks later to let me know that my records had arrived, and to check in on scheduling. After a good 10 minutes of back and forth, she finally agreed I was being ‘reasonable’ to move into more testing before IVF. She admitted that separating the testing out from the IVF process meant that insurance would cover the testing, vs lumping it together and paying out of pocket for everything.
She then said; “it will be almost impossible for you to conceive naturally.”
Ok. I’m trying to be realistic here. I turned 37 in December. Time is ticking, the eggs are old. It’s a harsh reality. But there has been nothing wrong on any of my tests, and I conceived naturally in my 30s. The doctor glanced briefly at the records she did have, without asking about my diet, exercise, or anything environmental, and decided I need to hand over the $17,000 that IVF costs – up front, but they “work with a great loan service that has decent interest”.
I want a doctor who looks at me as a challenge to solve & can get creative about a solution. IVF might be the right answer for us – and we will do our best to save to try to get there before I turn 38. But it’s a huge gamble with a low success rate, and to just push and threaten a new patient when the cost makes it impossible for the average person? It’s upsetting.
So. That’s how Dartmouth went. I’m upping my Eastern medicine side of things, shifting my diet a bit, settling into my new job, and regrouping in a few months. I don’t know what will happen – we can’t afford IVF right now, even with a nice doctor. I do know that my bullshit tolerance is lower than ever and I’m all about 2013 as being as nurturing as possible. When I think about a toxin-free life I want it to mean people, situations, AND chemicals. No bullshit, no toxins. And no used car salesmen.
On the other hand, ideas are welcome. Bake sales? Local clinical trials? It’s so overwhelming to think about that sum and what’s riding on it. I want a family desperately and it is so discouraging to think that this solution is only available to people who can afford it or live in the handful of places where it’s covered by insurance. I’ve been getting great information from a friend for whom IVF worked, so it’s nice to hear success stories, better clinic recommendations, or creative ways of approaching treatments. It’s been hard to stay positive lately.
All the hugs, lady. And, if you do rob a bank, make sure it’s a good one with lots of cash.
“I want a doctor who looks at me as a challenge to solve & can get creative about a solution.”
Well, good luck with that. My medical issues don’t involve infertility, but I find everything else you’ve said here way too relatable. I’m so tired of doctors having their own agenda when discussing how I should be treated. A lot of the time I just feel like they want me to have certain tests or try treatments that aren’t going to have any benefit other than providing them with more data.
I don’t know much about IVF and insurance, but would it make a difference if you moved to a state that has mandated coverage? Maybe that’s crazy, I don’t know. More or less crazy than robbing a bank?
It’s definitely health care in general. So frustrating.
Mass has mandated coverage, but I’m hoping to avoid having to move to another state & get another job! I might be able to find a clinic that’s a 3 hour drive from home, though, and I hear it’s cheaper there even without insurance. There’s a lot of research to do.
So I guess my suggestion of moving to Scotland isn’t going to fly?
Scotland, where I’d probably get pregnant just from the accents. I wish.
Sending my support and hoping a solution presents itself really soon. I wish there was a magic answer I could send.
Thank you.
Now, this is all very weird because I don’t know you, other than from this blog and pinterest, BUT I had a dream two weeks ago that you were pregnant. There was all this joy radiating around the idea of your baby. I woke up thinking about what I would knit for the baby. Yeah. Strange.
I had two bad experiences with fertility doctors. The arrogance made me furious. One said that I was so, so old that there was little hope for me. A few appointments later, he said I had the hormonal profile of a 22-year old. He never called back to check on me when I had my miscarriage, just had the nurse try to book my next appointment. Cold!
The Eastern medicine route (acupuncture) along with homeopathy worked for me. I had acupuncture every week for something like 10 weeks. I am glad you are taking care of yourself. It’s such a hard, lonely road.
All good wishes!
I love these pregnancy dreams! Someone else mentioned having one too. Prophecies, I hope.
I do acupuncture every other week, but try to time it to my cycles for the best points.
Hugs to you. I often have you in my thoughts, and I hope it will happen for you soon. I have a good feeling about 2013, but maybe that’s because I am superstitious and want to stay optimistic.
Which is hard as more time passes. And as I am confronted to the reality of this situation from all sides: facebook, pregnancy announcements, random people you meet, birthday parties of friends *younger* than us… It’s like living in a parallel reality.
But I still want to believe it’s possible. Sending you love and support.
(We just got new vitamins, with Copper, Magnesium, Zinc, B complex, vitamin C and E in balanced doses so they don’t compete for absorption. I know a healthy varied diet helps, but just in case, we decided to supplement).
I hope your approach of no bullshit and no toxins will somehow help.
The thing with “traditional” medicine is that there is not that much space for “creative solutions”. Especially with us unexplained, doctors are as perplexed as we are… they really have no idea of what’s going on. It probably means we are dealing with issues at a molecular level (maybe receptors? or immunity problems?). But regardless of the cause, for conventional medicine the available treatments are, as you know well, pretty much the same for all. (with slight variations in the treatment protocols or supplementations).
so frustrating. i hope some magic or money comes your way soon! i would love to see you with a cute baby, you will be a great mama.
I’ll take the magic! I’d obviously prefer NOT to have to have the money!
it’s so sickening to me that they would try to strong arm and panic you into moving forward with IVF, just like that. i would want a team of people behind me who wanted to know every bit of info on my situation before offering up “solutions.” i’m so sorry things like this have made an already very hard situation that much more difficult to navigate through. :/
The best part is like “ok, let me just get my SACK OF GOLD FOR YOU.” Where the heck?!
I want this for you so badly and I know that wanting it doesn’t help much but I want it all the same.
sending lots of good vibes & non-bullshit vibes & anti-toxins-vibes from across the ocean. I’m with Jacqueline, I wish there was a magical answer I could give, but all I can do is send these good thoughts your way. peace.
That makes me so mad for you. I have been suspicious of western doctors for so long for any reason outside of a broken arm. There seems to be very little interest in seeing people as whole people. Further, I have a friend that did IVF which failed, largely in think because she has a tendency to take poor care of herself. She seemed to think this would be the magic pill that would make her pregnant despite not eating quality food or exercising.
I fully support your no toxins way of thinking.
Have you tried acupuncture? My sis-in-law is an acupuncturist and her friend specializes in fertility and pregnancy acupuncture. She’s in Seattle but I’m sure you could find a local acupuncturist.
Good luck and list of hugs.
I’m 37 too, and I’m sure I should be trying a lot harder than i am, but I need to find a job where I can pay for this child first.
Show your friend this: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10000872396390443862604578030600949336888.html – if we do move forward I would definitely go right to the frozen transfer (so creepppppy) but the logic behind letting your body reset is SO obvious.
I don’t know about foods/exercise. People get pregnant smoking and drinking redbulls. It’s great to do your best (and obviously while doing treatments) but there really is no explanation.
Yes, I LOVE my acupuncturist, I’m starting on herbs from her too.
Good luck to you as well. So many older ladies asked me for advice, and then got pregnant on the first try. It’s so arbitrary.
Wow, I needed to read this post today.
Actually, I wish I had never read it because it would mean you would not be in this situation… but still. I cannot put myself in your shoes since we are barely hitting the one year mark, and I don’t feel pressured about age YET. But to read your words really felt so soothing. (sad, but soothing) It’s always kind of reassuring to read words that relate to me, instead of OH GUESS WHAT? BUMP PICTURE. (Each and every friend around you getting pregnant within like 2 cycles.. get’s so frustrating!) I’m trying to have the least amount of negativity in me as possible, I feel like it’s getting in the way.. I need to have faith in my body, instead of putting myself down for not having succeeded yet.
I’m doing acupuncture every week right now, until it stops being covered. Move to Canada? It’s closer then scotland. I feel for you and I wish I could just send you lovely flowers, for opening up about this. (and for not doing it in a crazy obsessed “babycenter.com” way)
Everything surrounding this is so difficult for women. I worry so much, because I know I want to have children but I am in my mid 30’s, and haven’t even gotten to a place where we feel ready to even try yet. Up until recently, I was a self employed designer, and didn’t have health insurance. I have insurance, now, but it is because I have a job that requires me to work 45 hours a week(and live in a different state from my husband…but that’s another story entirely), and I just don’t know how I could ever have a baby, and maintain this job too. We definitely couldn’t afford to support a child on my husband’s salary alone, and both of our families live on the other side of the country, so the idea of child care is just so over whelming. So then, the idea of getting to a place where we would feel confident taking that step, and then facing infertility too is so scary. I really feel for you, and am so sad for all of the demands and worries our society places on women.
Sometimes when I think about the choices I’ve made in my life to *not* have children I think of you. I think how ridiculous it is that someone who would be a wonderful parent cant have kids. I think how unfair it is that I can choose to not have children (and thanks to the Affordable Care Act, in an affordable way) but that for you having children is not a simple choice (and clearly not an affordable one). I’m so sorry. You and Sean have all my best thoughts.
Meghan said it already. I think about you pretty much every day. If I could send babies via thoughtwaves you would have 11,654 by now and what an army of tiny minions they’d make.
Have you read Susun Weed’s “Wise Woman Herbal for the Childbearing Year?” I apprenticed in green witch- style herbalism for 3 years, and this book is considered one of the go-tos for fertility and pregnancy issues in general. Red raspberry leaf and/or red clover infusions are highly recommended by her, and by my teacher as well. Nettles as well! In the meantime, sending you much love and support from afar. XO, Pam
I have a wise woman herbal book, i’ll check for that one! i have been doing the nettle/red clover thing! i sometimes do vitex too, but i cant on assisted cycles with other meds. right now i’m trying chinese herbs so i’ll stick to that for a bit. in 2+ years there’s a lot of time to try EVERYTHING. :/
Just as another layer of body-awareness, have you read Taking Charge of Your Fertility? I actually used the charting method as birth control for 3 years, then switched to the get-pregnant mode. My cycles are really long and irregular, so it was very helpful to gain understanding of when I actually ovulated (like a week later than the normal math would assume). Might just be another useful tool?
I’ll see if I can find a used copy. I’ve been charting for so long and have obvious ovulation signs that sync up with all the monitoring I’ve had, so I think we’re hitting the right days, but hey, more information cant hurt.
I think about you a lot, especially your tweets that expose how toxic the work environment can be when people make assumptions about fertility. Thank you for speaking so candidly about it here, and I hope you find a peace and a balance in this process. That up-selling clinic makes me mad, looking to make their bucks off the backs of the desperate and making medical pronouncements with zero basis. I know that you will find the resources (inner and outer) to do what you need to do, and the right supportive practitioners too. So much support for you and your family as you proceed.
I mean, yes, if I had $17K, IVF would be the ideal next step. But I don’t, and I don’t know many people who do. So the pushing it doesn’t help ANYONE.
What about a kickstarter for some fundraising? I’m sure people would be willing to help.
I’ve actually had like 5 different people suggest to me that I start a kickstarter to fund IVF, and I’ve told them all that I’m scared of the backlash. One offered to run it for me so I’d never have to see anything. I do think that a lot of people love you and would help. I would. <3
You’re in my thoughts. I constantly wish I had something meaningful to offer other than these hollow feeling words across the internet. Your struggle is just so hard, I wish I could help carry more of the weight. Warm hugs and best wishes.
The comments and assumptions about having children (rather, lack of) are so upsetting. I get them even from people I think should know me better, and know what I want and are familiar with what’s going on in my life! It is so stressful and distressing and insulting, and even if I try not to take it personally it still puts me in a funk. I’m underemployed, and my husband is back in school, and people still keep asking ME when we are going to have children, why we don’t have any yet, how many, etc. Never if. And no one ever asks him.
Best of luck finding a doctor who will listen to you and will advocate for you, and who wants to look at this as a puzzle to solve. Sending good thoughts your way. Thank you for writing this, for sharing your experience, for being so honest.
Oh, every time you don’t mention this for a while I hope it means you’re in early pregnancy. I don’t know you other than from wardrobe_remix long ago and your blog since, and can only imagine the agony of infertility, but I wish you magic conceptions and joy, and no bullshit. Good luck!
I’m so sorry you’re still going through this Tamera, I hope for a baby for you, ever so much. It makes me so sad and angry that you are expected to pay for IVF in the States while we get it on the NHS. (Or got it, as of yesterday I don’t think there’s going to be much NHS for much longer, but that’s another rant). Hang in there. All I really have to offer is the assurances that miracles happen and that years of hopelessness can one day turn into something wonderful. I know, I’ve been there.
I had a dream too! Maybe it was a lucid Twitter dream, but either way you’ve been in my (unconscious AND conscious) thoughts!
I just wanted to thank you for sharing your journey with us, and also for personally helping me understand how I can be more sensitive to child-related issues in my daily life. I’ve seen your recent notes about holidays with kids and so forth, and it just punches me in the gut. People really don’t get it sometimes. Anyway. All the best and lots of love and support.
Good luck, I will keep my fingers crossed for you and keep you fingers for me. The ongoing joke my husband and I have is to say , oh who would want a Scorpio- boy they are moody, or Sagittarius I never got a long with those any way, oh no not a gemini-can you imagine, or a Christmas birthday that would really suck. I know it is a little negative but it makes me feel a little better to have a way to crack a joke about it. I do completely get what you mean about people having their own ideas about why we don’t have kids and it is easy to brush most of them off but it does hurt when people assume that I am just not a nurturing or loving person because we don’t have kids or that I have a troubled marriage. Anyway I feel a little braver when I read your posts.
Thank You.
WE DO THIS TOO. It’s a little way to make that period happening not QUITE as brutal. “A winter baby would be dangerous in Vermont!”
Good luck to you too.
I’m dealing with infertility issues too, so I know exactly what you mean about all of it. My birthday was on Thursday and it marked two years of trying. I also got my period that day. Not the best birthday present.
I’ve been wanting to try acupuncture and/or Chinese herbs and other alternative medicine things, but I’ve been stuck in places where there isn’t much available. I was in College Station, TX and now I’m in Stillwater, OK. Not exactly centers of alternative medicine. I was wondering if you’ve come across any kind of database or list of providers that could help me start a search for someone near me?
I’ve been doing my own research and have switched over to a no/low Amylase diet to try to counteract the insulin resistant issues that seem to be part of the reason that I don’t otherwise ovulate. And I take Pregnitude and some other supplements and drink Raspberry leaf tea. Doing those things has allowed me to ovulate (something I didn’t do on Clomid without diet change, for example), but I feel like I’m cobbling together a plan on my own without really knowing what I’m doing.
I also want a Dr. who wants to find creative solutions!! I’m not sure they exist.
So much good luck and strength to you. It’s so hard.
So with you. I got my period after being FIVE DAYS LATE (which had only happened before when pregnant) on my birthday in December. THE WORST.
As far as databases, I don’t know. Resolve.org might have one? I need to start researching farther afield myself!
I’m doing the same, cobbling together a plan. Luckily I have a good acupuncturist but I think I might try to track down a naturopath as a primary care doctor? It’s maddening.
Hmmmm…what about colon hydrotherapy? I know it sounds extreme, but aligns with the detox goal. I’ve heard one success story attributed to it.
I feel you lady. The sheer anger of having our medical situation feel like being stuck in huckster car salesman land is infuriating. And the sheer COST of simply trying is overwhelming and can totally warp one’s perception. There’s a clinic here that offers “mini-stimulation” ivf for about 4k and after knowing how much full blown ivf costs, I’m all, 4k! WHAT A BARGAIN! Which is crazy and sad. And it’s so…rotten of fertility clinics to market with walls of baby photos. Would a cancer clinic cover their walls with kids with hair? It just seems mean. Yet they do it to market that oh alllll these people were successful with us and for this low low cost you can too!
Sending you my thoughts. Good ones.
*what a bargain…insert me using Alan Rickman saying “What a savings.”
Hi Tamera.
I read your post this morning and it was extremely timely for me. I started Clomid today as I have PCOS and don’t ovulate regularly (or at all, according to some docs). I am a bit scared and for some stupid reason I feel a bit of a failure that I have to take it. This process is so tiring and I wish you and your partner all the good chance in the world.
Fingers and toes crossed.
I know PCOS people have had great luck with super low carb diets. In some ways it’s great to KNOW what your issue is, because you can start tackling it! Bonne chance!
Thinking of you – I want to let you know that you and a few others who are open about infertility have made me so much more conscious of this issue. I get the well-meaning, joking questions too (just bought a house eh, when’ll you start popping them out? etc.) and I’m not sure why anyone thinks that’s appropriate. Unless my male coworkers want to hear “hey we’re trying actually so I’ll let you know when it works?”
I’m sending many good wishes your way.
Hi Tamera, long time reader, first time commenter and a woman who is also struggling with infertility. I don’t really have any advice for you, but felt like I should comment and say a) thank you for sharing, I find it helpful to know that I’m not alone in all of this and b) say that you aren’t alone.
Thank you for commenting. Sometimes it DOES seem like everyone else has babies. :/
$17000 – sweet mother of baby Jesus. We had our clinic appointment recently & at least we get one free NHS try before needing to fork over 5000 pounds for any subsequent attempts. That sum sounds terrifyingly huge. Will there need to be lots of fancy extra bells & whistles? Ugh, I’m just so sorry. At any rate, I hope you do find someone else you trust more to work with – and may they be significantly cheaper! And I really hope something good and hopeful happens for you guys soon. I so wish we could wish ourselves babies. It would all be so much easier that way.
Nope, that’s actually low. Here’s one of the best clinics: http://www.colocrm.com/BecomeaPatient/TreatmentCosts.aspx
I’m a regular reader and a sometimes commenter, and I just want to say that I wish the best for you. I appreciate your openness on this topic as well.
I’m not in the same boat as you (no kids, not currently trying), but I can relate about dealing with doctors and the medical world. I have a chronic illness, and, like you, my bullshit tolerance is very low.
The best thing I’ve managed to do for myself is doctor hunt like crazy until I find one(s) that I click with. With all the imbalances in power between a doctor and patient, it can be easy to inadvertently stay with a doc who is not helping you, or to delay searching for a new one (and seeing no one in between). I have to give myself a lot of pep talks to keep picking up the phone and making new appointments.
I have also explored alternative therapies, and they’ve been of some small help, but I have to say that one of the big things that I’ve learned is that western biomedicine actually does have a lot of tools at its disposal, and that sometimes the mismatch is more between you and the provider than you and the discipline of biomed – not sure if that makes sense, and I’m not putting down alternative medicine, I’m just saying that I think I have found it worth it to keep fighting within the biomed system to get the care that I need and that is effective. Not easy, logistically, financially, or emotionally.
Best wishes to you.
I also think of you every day. And so many of the laides in these comments. I only went through a year of it and it almost drove me totally and completely and miserably bonkers. The fact that you aren’t excommunicating every pregnant/baby endowed woman you know means you are a stronger woman than I.
This post hits my heart like a ton of bricks. I’m a mother of two and looking at it on this side of the spectrum makes me want to hold my kids tighter. Not many mothers admit their imperfections but their are many times I wish I were a better mother. Reading a post so raw and true to their heart about wanting the joy of a child inspires and opens my eyes to my girls even more. All I can attest is how unfair this all is, but look at how nurturing you are to so many.
I mean this in the nicest way possible, but on a really raw, painful post about infertility, *especially* inspired by the fact that it’s Infertility Awareness Month, perhaps it’s good that you become aware that you just mommyjacked an infertility discussion. Here may not be the best time to muse about the perspective you get as a mother of two, but rather quietly find your takeaway and simply wish Tamera well.
Lots of magic thoughts for you…this sounds so painful:( As a hopeful story–my sister and her husband are about to welcome a child into the world after over 3 years of effort…and another friend is 2 months pregnant (fingers crossed) after years of trying and reproductive organ illness, too…both were 37 when they conceived. It is possible…you are brave to share, thank you.
Love these stories! Assisted pregnancies, or did they just happen?
I didn’t know if it was weird to tell a similar story above, so I’ll put it here with this one: my good friend at work conceived 1 via IVF at age 40 after many rounds (I think she had endo and also possibly a T shaped uterus?), and THEN she immediately got pregnant a second time, unassisted, when her firstborn was only 3 months old or so. (They were planning for a second, just not so soon.)
There is a lot of evidence that after one successful pregnancy, something “fixes”. It’s almost like the opposite of secondary infertility. Secondary fertility.
You know, why should you bellyache? A hell of a lot of children in this country need a mother. Granted many of them are black.
Why do you hate black babies, Richard Nixon?
R. Nixon, what makes you think that wanting to adopt a baby and wanting to conceive are mutually exclusive? That is just as silly as thinking that as a white woman/couple, you couldn’t love a black baby you’d adopt. You seem to understand the silliness of that thought, since you’re implying that thought is Tamera’s motivation to keep trying to conceive. Please, have some respect for other people and their process of dealing with the experience that your body might not be able to do something you really really want to do. A delicate process, which I can imagine is all that more complicated because that ‘might’ is such a big questionmark, when every test you have had has come back as ‘no problem’.
Thanks, Anne. It’s such a silly comment that it’s not really worth addressing, but I have seen this mentality over and over again.
Some thoughts:
1. Many women will try naturally until the point of no return, and then consider adoption. In our case, Sean will only be 33 when I hit 40, so it makes sense to think about it then. I’d prefer my own baby. I’m super into genealogy and ancestors. I want to make a family with Sean’s DNA & my DNA. If that doesn’t happen, we’ll think about alternatives. Thinking about BOTH right now would make my brain explode.
2. It is not the responsibility of infertile women to take care of unwanted babies. That’s some slippery slope Handmaid’s Tale thinking and it creeps me right out.
3. Adoption is expensive, complicated, and often just as much of a heartbreaking cycle of hope/disappointment as trying to conceive. Anyone who thinks adoption is easy needs to educate themselves. I don’t think there’s anyone who isn’t aware of unwanted babies in the world, so I don’t think it’s a “hey, did you know you can adopt?” education campaign on the part of Mr. Nixon, just a jackass comment.
4. If I adopted, I would not actually give a damn about the race of the baby. I’m ethnically ambiguous in person anyway, and besides, WHO CARES?
5. If anyone wants to give me a free baby, I’d be pretty down with that. I keep hoping we’ll find one wrapped in leaves and hidden in a tree stump.
I wasn’t going to dignify Nixon’s comment with a response, but I’m glad I did anyway.
Thank you! I find it pretty unacceptable for women to be bullied for how they choose to build a family. Insane.
Good lord. When I was trying (and trying and trying) for my baby, I made the decision that if it didn’t happen by age 42, I just wouldn’t have a baby. Why? To me, having a baby was more than just HAVING a baby. I wanted the pregnancy, the birth and the breastfeeding. The physical process was something I wanted to go through. And that is OK. Its OK to want that.
“When I think about a toxin-free life I want it to mean people, situations, AND chemicals. No bullshit, no toxins. And no used car salesmen.”
THIS.
Toxicity and negativity only impede magic. I fully support you on this.
I just came here to give you giant ass hugs. Sending some potent baby ka-pow magic your way.
Ass hugs are my favorite.
Then I’m in the right place.
Thank you for continuing to share and give a voice to infertility. It’s helped me more than I can express (though I hope you know that already). Sending you and Sean all the magic.
http://www.yelp.com/biz/wus-healing-center-san-francisco-2#query:fertility%20acupuncturist
You should read her book, Angela Wu, she is amazing!
I’ll check it out! I have a great acupuncturist / Chinese herbalist right now. It took me awhile to find her & I’d been going to Amy Mitchell in Berkeley, who I ADORE, so it’s a relief to have found someone here that I really like.
One of them “just happened” but she was taking herbs (already mentioned), monitoring her cycle etc. In the other case, it transpired her partner was the one who had fertility issues (determined through testing) and took medication. Which worked.
I have another friend who did IVF. It was a gift from a family member and they decided right from go, they would only try it once. She had an infection post 1st-pregnancy that prevented her from conceiving naturally a 2nd time (can’t give more details, but the condition is probably google-able). She did get pregnant but as most of us know–that is rare.
Anyway, I’m glad these stories inspire instead of add to hurt…<3
I love the success stories! Especially ones with similar ages / issues. The younger you are the better your chances with IVF are, so I’m in the mid-range right now of “could work, might not.”
It’s just such a huge amount of money to gamble with, I would probably be pretty devastated if I saved for ages and then, NOTHING. Tempting to spend it on a trip to the south of France during a fertile week and see if that does it instead. 😉
Sorry, I meant to say (much more politely), pregnant on 1st round of IVF isn’t super common. But it DOES happen!
Um…sorry one last comment. To anyone with a loved one going through this. If your loved one does conceive after a years long effort, please PLEASE do not respond to the news with ‘Oh I knew all along it would happen, see?’ Another family member did this to my sister…it might sound irrational to some but it enraged her. Personally, I can see why.
Yeahhh, that would be super maddening. But I’d take it if it meant I was pregnant!
Hi Tamera, I am wishing you tons of good thoughts in this process. My husband and I are allowing right now, and it is so stressful. I’m trying to stay chill, but it’s only half working.
You should check out this post from another great blogger: http://fitnessista.com/2011/06/how-i-got-pregnant/
She had phone appointments with a homeopathic doctor who she says was amazing. It would be cheaper than IVF for sure. All of the luck to you. Xxoo
I read you regularly and so wish for a baby for you. In terms of the price tag for the IVF, have you considered doing it outside of the US? I don’t know what the costs would be in different places. I know in Ecuador (where I’ve spent a lot of time as that’s where I do field research). it would cost probably around $5,000. I also know there are centers in Mexico that specialize in that, much cheaper than in the US, but not sure how much. It would obviously still be costly, but nowhere near $17,000.
I know you said you are upping your Eastern medicine. I have several acupuncturist friends who specialize in fertility (in DC area, but I am sure you have some up there, too). It really does help. I just wanted to throw it out there in case you haven’t tried that.
Sadly, I’ve been doing fertility acupuncture since February 2011! I like the relaxation time, at least.
I was thinking about you yesterday and was wondering if you’d ever been tested for Celiac Disease – or tested recently (as you can have a negative test and still develop it later). There’s a lot of evidence showing the relationship between undiagnosed Celiac Disease and infertility (as well as gestational problems). It’s possible to develop it later in life (in other words, it could be an explanation for why you were able to get pregnant before but are struggling now), and it’s really frequently missed by doctors, especially if you don’t have a “classic” presentation.
Hi Abby,
I do indeed have celiac disease, and I do not consume gluten. I know I do get trace amounts, though, because I am occasionally very sick from even small contaminations. I wish I had the time to never buy prepared food, but I don’t.
I know Chinese medicine is good at ‘fine tuning’ lots of female issues. It tunes the body/system from the inside out. When I lived in Taiwan there were docs (they don’t call them herbalists) that were known to have high success rates. So much so that there are many kids named after them!
Where you are is pretty secluded but if you do come to L.A. maybe do some research and visit one while you’re out here and have subsequent meds sent to you with periodic visits. I mean, much better way to spend the money when you get trips out of it. Especially when you need some sun.
My brother and his wife did the IVF 2 times but her eggs were just too old (40 something). They also paid again to have the wife’s sister’s eggs harvested and used. Didn’t work. I wished they had also done the Chinese medicine route.